Y’all seemed to really like that post I did a while back featuring things I SO don’t want, would never buy, not in a million years, even if you paid me to. So i I thought, why not do another one?
Let’s kick things off with footwear gone wrong, shall we?

Pharaoh Sandals. I’m pretty sure a Pharaoh wouldn’t be caught dead in these, or would have whomever constructed them executed. Executions aside, who would want two scary eyeballs on your feet staring up at you all day. Creepy.

Urban Outfitters Jeffrey Campbell Rainbow Highlight Platform Sneaker. These are like Punky Brewster shoes on crack. I’d be so ticked if I purchased these and found out later that there weren’t rocket boosters hidden inside, or super springs. Ooh, yeah, super springs that could make you jump over buildings in a single bound. BOING!

Urban Outfitters Jeffrey Campbell Mayview Sandals. Hideous. Truly hideous. Looks like a scary foot surgery bootie that was custom-colored for a New England Patriot’s fan.
Animal Kingdom Gone Wrongers:

Urban Outfitters Reverse Tiger Head Skater Dress. Of all the items out there in retail world that a lady could spend her money on, why in heaven’s name would it be this?

Quite honestly, the entire outfit is a travesty to mankind. Urban Outfitters Out from Under Tiger Eyes Bra Top

‘Mary wondered why her date had ended so abruptly. Why had he looked so unsettled when she took off her jacket and then ordered the Prime Rib, extra rare? Had she come on too strong? ‘ Urban Outfitters Sparkle and Fade Tiger Graphic Dress. I’m pretty sure not even Carrie Bradshaw could chic this one up.

Urban Outfitters Vintage 70′s Tiger Print Skirt.
This is ridiculous. It just gives vintage a bad name.
Clothes that shoulda never made it to the assembly line:

FP X Shipwreck Sally Dress. I swear I totally didn’t make up that product name. $198 dollahs for rags, essentially. Maybe they charged more for the delicate sternum hole?

You must know how I feel about overalls by now. Not a fan. This specimen is particularly offensive due to the kangaroo pouches on both hips (congratulations on your weight gain!!) and the way in which the grommets holding on to overly thin straps marks the spot on her lady lumps. Holding Horses Embroidered Overalls

FP Colored Army Pant
I mean really, what they did to this girl’s crotch should be considered a crime. The poor girl hasn’t eaten since January, and they put her in THESE?! Great! Now she won’t eat until December. You think this is bad, look at the backside:

J.Crew Broken-in Boyfriend Chino shorts, colorblocked. Horrible idea. It’s like a blindfold for the crotch.

This is what happens when you tell a model in a denim tank dress to hop a fence and the front accidentally catches and rips in a perfect rectangle all the way up to her lady bits. Then you take a picture. F21 Distressed High-Low Dress. I’d say it’s just plain distressing.
Accessories that make you scratch your head:

FP Leather Holster Belt
For Halloween this holster contraption could be all kinds of sweet for my costume, but seriously. Real life? “That’ll be $5.65.” “Okay, just a sec while I put down my baby and reach into my boob holster for my wallet….” P.S. it’s $498!!!

FP Lost and Found Body Chain. $880. I kid you not. I HAVE to meet the person who wants to buy this. And I want to peek in their closet, though I’ll admit I’m a little afraid.
Hope you’ve been a bit entertained. I for sure have. And a little horrified too. Got any yourselves to share?
xoxo Molly











