Daily Archives: February 13, 2012

Queen of Your Closet Series: Whoomp, There It Is! How to hide a Booty, and my Blogiversary winner #1!

Let’s start this off right, y’all.  Let the Blogiversary Bonanza commence!  Thank you so much to everyone who participated and for your lovely feedback. I heard you loud and clear, and I totally appreciate you all.

Will commentor number ……

 

52….please step forward!!!  That would be…. GeoinCalifornia, or Laura from Anthro Closet Chaos!  Congratulations, Woman!  You’ve just won yourself a Voluminous Scarf! Eyes out for my email, k?

It’s been a while since my last Queen of your Closet series posts, so I figured it was high time, my friends.   I’ve also had a couple requests for tips on Postpartum Dressing.  Don’t click away so fast, all ye who have not born fruits from your loins.  Postpartum dressing isn’t an entirely different planet; those of us who are left with a vacated baby hotel struggle with muffin-topitis, (which, frankly, I do any way in my normal state.  It’s just more….pronounced, after giving birth).  We also suffer from ‘what’s that in my wagon I’m draggin’? You think the stomach’s the only thing that implodes during pregnancy, think again.  Soon as the baby bump is gone, well…sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but baby up and done left some baggage as a parting gift.  The rump, my friends…it hath increased in size and stature. I know there are many ladies out there who haven’t yet born children, or who did years ago, who are in the same boat of wishing their rump was of diminished proportions….heck, there’s an entire industry devoted to the minimizing of said rear-ends.  So like I mentioned before, postpartum dressing isn’t an entirely different planet.

How, then, do we go about minimizing a generous derriere?  How will you, as the Queen of your Closet, command your subjects to compliment you and suit you just so, in order to dupe the general public into believing your butt is the perfect size.  Ladies, I’m here for you.

I’ll go first.  I’ll be your Guinea Pig. (The things I do for you….)

Wearing: Jeans- Anthropologie AG Stevie Straight, Top-Anthropologie Scalloped Button down, Shoes-Chie Mihara IONA LIMA, Scarf- Anthropologie Glasshouse Neck wrap, Earrings-Anthropologie Zaftig Drops.

source

(sorry for the horrible lighting in this photo.  We barely made it before the sun went down….)

These pants used to fit nice and comfy.  Currently, they’re a bit too Whoomp, There It Is! to wear whatever I want with them up top.  The baggage, you see….Mr. Banks must’ve paid extra for the bags being over the weight requirement.  Ha!  Therefore, to minimize the appearance of my Whoomp, I follow some simple rules.  Basically, I’m exhibiting Rule Numbers 2 – 7 in this outfit.  See chart below….

HOW TO MINIMIZE A GENEROUS WHOOMP

 

source

Just like that.  Know your body, identify your problem areas, command obedience from your wardrobe, and be the freakin’ Queen.  You go, girls.

See you back here tomorrow for some Anthro-Inspired Wedding love, and the Blogiversary Winner #2!

xoxo Molly

10 Comments

Filed under Fashion, OOTD, Queen of Your Closet